Final Fantasy VII: Advent Company
by LilFlyergirl
Summary: A parody on the upcoming movie... seventh heaven is the planet's best pizza place, and three silver-haired brothers with a pizza place of their own aim to be top dog. See how the craziness unfolds.
1. The Pizza Joint

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Company

Disclaimer: Let me start off saying that I LOVE Final Fantasy VII. This is just for fun, something my crazy head has been brewing. I DO NOT OWN anything pertaining to Sqaure-Enix, Square-Soft, Final Fantasy, names or origins that are copyrighted.

Chapter 1: The Pizza Joint

Tifa brushed her long black hair over her shoulder, and one eye, just to be more sassy. She stood in her apartment above her Seventh Heaven Pizza Joint, cleaning up, and thinking of new things to use as toppings. Seventh Heaven's pizza was the best on the planet, and Tifa had hired several orphans to work for her for minimum wage. If you think this impossible, two years ago she let Marlene Wallace run the place when she was only five. Tifa looked over, and found Marlene in the hallway, beside a bed with a small boy on it.

"Are you on a break?" Tifa asked.

Marlene pointed to the boy. His head was covered with bandages. "Denzel slipped and fell into the brick oven again!"

Tifa rolled her eyes. How many times did she have to tell the little ingrates to make sure the place was clean?

"He'll shake it off," Tifa said, and went back to her hair.

Denzel moaned.

"His skin is blistered and peeling!" Marlene cried.

Tifa rubbed her temples. "Today is Friday, one of our most busiest days! Do I smell the sweet scent of Pepperoni? No, I do not! I want both of you down there, now!"

Marlene took Denzel's hand, and lead him out of the bed. Denzel, not being able to see properly, walked into the bedroom door and dented it.

"That's coming out of your check!" Tifa yelled after them as they walked down the stairs.

To annoy Tifa more, the phone began to ring. She ignored it. After the fifth ring, she couldn't ignore it anymore. "Cloud doesn't work here anymore… I fired his ass long ago…" She muttered as she picked it up. "Seventh Heaven Pizza Joint Delivery Line. How may I help you?"

"Seven Days," A cruel voice whispered.

"Excuse me? Seven pizzas?"

The voice cleared their throat. "I'm looking for a delivery boy by the name of Cloud."

"He kept crying over his dead girlfriend, so I fired him."

"Well, that's a shame… he was the best delivery boy around."

"I have orphans on bicycles now." Tifa said.

"Well, you see, there's this new pizza company opening that is going to rival yours. If you can tell me where to find Cloud, I'll offer him a job."

Tifa thought a moment. Cloud _did_ deliver pizzas quick on Fenrir, and if there really was a new pizza place opening, she was going to need him. "Did I say Cloud was fired? No, he's out delivering pizzas… don't call here again!" She slammed the phone down, grabbed her keys, and walked to the one place she knew he'd be.


	2. The Prick of a Finger

Chapter 2: The Prick of a finger

It was closing time by the time Tifa left Seventh Heaven. Marlene kept complaining that she never was outside anymore, so the two of them walked down to Aeris's church. Tifa pulled open the doors, sunlight filtering in through the stained glass windows. They walked down the isle. Marlene stopped when she found a Band-aid with blood on it.

"Is this Cloud's?" She asked.

"So it seems," Tifa answered.

The sound of running water filled the air.

"Stay here." Tifa told her.

She found a small door with the sound coming from behind it. Could this be a bathroom? Could Cloud be in the shower? Dare she open the door and see for herself? She flung her hair over her shoulder, and opened the door.

What a magnificent body Cloud had! Lean and muscular, a happy trail to entice the ladies, and well… let's say his girlfriends were more than satisfied with his… big qualities. He was showering, and hadn't noticed Tifa checking him out. He was also singing.

"There's a place for us, somewhere a place for us.

Take my hand and we're half way there,

Take my hand and I'll take you there!

Somehow…."

He stopped when he saw a flash and heard a camera. Tifa took some Polaroid pictures.

He squinted at her. "Tifa!" He turned off the shower, and stood there, the water glistening on his skin like a god.

"C…Cloud…" Tifa stuttered. It was the last thing she said before she passed out.

When she woke, Cloud was fully dressed, and had a worried expression on his face. She pulled out the bandaid Marlene had found. "Is this yours?"

"Yeah," He whispered, not looking at her.

"Tell me it isn't so!"

"It's true… I have… a scrape…"

Tifa covered her mouth to stifle a scream. "But you're flawless!"

"I know," He whispered. He couldn't seem to look her in the eye.

"But you're taking care of it, it'll get better!"

"It might leave….. a scar."

Tifa slapped both hands over her mouth. "You mean the design team at Square-Enix would have to give you one unattractive quality?"

"It's too hard to think about." He said. "I mean, I'm gorgeous. What if I don't win Male Video Game Pin-Up of the year for eight years running because of this? I'll be ruined."

"Don't think like that! I have something to make you feel better. I'm giving you your old job back!"

"Delivering pizzas?" He asked with a grin.

"Yes!"

"You got the next job lined up, I'll do it for three thousand."

"Deal!" Tifa cried. Oh, she'd make that new pizza place wish they never opened…

To Be Continued!

So, what do you all think so far?


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